As I type this, Adam is actually 3 months old...how did that happen? I'm getting ready to go back to work, Ben is changing jobs, Ian just turned 3 years old yesterday and Luke is a month into Kindergarten. HOW. DID. THIS. HAPPEN??? Life continues to move faster and faster and get more and more crazy...and I wish it would slow down. I'm tired. But mostly, my babies are growing and I feel like their early years will be over way sooner than I'm ready for. I can't get enough of Adam's sweet baby smells, infectious smile and although exhausting, he is my constant buddy and I love it.
Ian is so big! And hilarious! Loud, yet quiet. Especially since Adam has joined our family, there have been so many times that I say good night to Ian and I think to myself, "Where have you been?! Pretty sure I fed this one and changed a diaper but where were you all day?!" Ian is so content to play alone. I've been building a lot of Legos for him lately but if I'm busy and tell him "later" he disappears. It's helpful so I can get "stuff" done around the house but it's sad. He doesn't need me anymore like he use to. And all those days that I feel like I don't see him, what did I miss?
Luke is in Kindergarten. I'm not sure I'M ready for this school thing. I've had so many emotions over the last month. He's already come home and said he doesn't have any friends (not true at all!) Oh boy...wait until Middle School. I love hearing about his day (the little he'll actually tell me!) and I want him to do well! Yet, I'm not ready for him to be gone all day. I'm already annoyed at the stupid things he learns from other kids. It's too much. I think watching my kids go through school will be harder than going through it myself.
Lately, I have often stopped in the middle of some common day task and thought, "How did I get here?" I still feel like I'm in my early 20's, newly out of school, playing "house." Yet, I have 3 HANDSOME boys...actually 4, I still claim Ben (most days!). I pay a whole lot of money each month for this house. I've been a nurse for almost 6 years. I have strong opinions that I'm not afraid to share. I say A LOT of things that my parents said to me. And if I don't sit just right my back will hurt for hours.
Time is passing too quickly and those days are too full of meaningless tasks. I want to pause time and hold my baby all day without any care of dishes. I want to build a mountain of Lego "captains, cars and bad guys." I want to play and run and laugh with these boys. I want them to remember me without all the chores, yelling or distractions. I especially don't want them to remember me with my phone in my face. I want our house to magically be clean and full of love. And it is...full of love!
If only time would slow down so I can remember every moment...
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